On flute players:

Remember those days in elementary school when we were old enough to begin signing up for band/orchestra/choir and we felt like such big kids? And the majority of the class would sign up, only to drop out half way through the year after playing Hot Cross Buns one too many times?

Ahh, I remember painfully having to sit through all of the elementary school concerts, the four hour long ones, because my band teacher was nice enough to give everyone a solo, even the kids that didn't know which way was up or what treble clef was. It was all about our self-esteem, or some crap like that. Then you get to high school and all they do is tell you you suck. Anyway, I remember playing eight beautiful, humble bars of Auld Lang Syne on flute, whereas everyone else played 1-2 pages of toneless, dynamicless, painful music. My parents do too. Thanks mom and dad! (They actually got to do that three times; one for each kid.) And don't forget, on top of the solos, we had to play songs together, with plenty of dissonance!

I was in choir for two years too. I even got a solo in 4th grade. Like, what the hell were they thinking? Yeah, I don't know either.


But back to band, I stuck with it through middle school and high school, moving up through the ranks, and played flute for various youth symphonies and ensembles, finally landing that coveted 1st chair spot. Actually, no one really cares, as long as you're good, but it looks really good on college applications and resumes.

So I've spent my fair share of time with a variety of flute players. For whatever reason, there are many stereotypes associated with flute players, so let me de-bunk some of them:

The myth - All flute players are...

Ditzy: In my experience, this goes half-and-half. Meaning, half of the flute players I've known were complete morons, and half were not. That doesn't mean the were-nots were the most intelligent people I've met, but they had enough common sense to not walk into heavy traffic, lose their flutes, etc. Unfortunately, you can be a moron and still be good at flute. To my frustration.

Flute players, on the contrary, can be incredibly shy. Or personality-less. Take All-City: During sectionals (which I hated, for this reason), Mr. Schnieder (sp, sorry dude) was cracking all these jokes to the second flutes, and Cloe and I laughed our obnoxious horse laughs while the other girls stayed perfectly silent. And motionless. It was scary.

Gay, if you are a dude: I've only met one gay man flute player in person, and I must say he was AWESOME. This meeting, however, was during our San Fransisco band trip, where we had a music clinic at Berkeley (which may or may not have upped the gay:straight ratio). Sitting next to him was another dude flute player, the quiet Asian type with trippy colorful shoes, who was most definitely straight. Both were awesome guys, and killer flute players and soloists.

I think this stereotype stems from the fact that flute playing is female-dominated, but c'mon guys, back when instruments were first invented, only men could play them. Someone had to take one for the team and play flute. For the record, the overwhelming majority of guys I have met were WAY better than the average flute player, gay or not. During the clinic, both said I was a fantastic sight reader after their Tchaikovsky piece. It made my heart melt just a little. :o)

Also for the record, when we saw the San Fransisco Symphony, the flute player (who was an adorable old man) was killer.

Stuck up: The stuck up ones usually aren't good. That goes for pretty much anything competitive. Like this one kid tried convincing people he was better at drums than Derek. Yeah, no.

B****es: Nope, just me.


However, the gay guy from Berkeley and I were discussing the competitiveness of flute playing in our respective residences, and I quote him, "The flute players here are so cut-throat!" The Asian guy silently nodded his head in agreement.

I think flute players come off this way just from the sheer number of us. Groundbreaking fact: the more of us there are, the less opportunities to play in the ensembles we want. And the opposite is true: You'd never think a bassoon player was a jerk.

So let the games begin! There was a girl during All-City auditions who completely glared me down in the warm up room last year. After I smiled at her! Meanie. But, if you meet the incredible flute players of All-City, I swear, they are all super-nice. Myth: Busted.

I can't remember how I was going to incorporate this, but I was going to post a video of my district solo from last year. First Sonata for Flute by Bohuslav Martinu. Oh right, mom and dad, for all of the awful, mediocre concerts you had to endure, my gift to you is an awesome solo. My bro Bohuslav and I got 4th at districts (or 2nd Alternate, because there were so many flute soloists, as mentioned earlier. Yes, I am bragging. You trying putting that piece together in a week). Didn't get called back to state though. Hmph. But look at him, he's a pretty chill dude, huh?